"DIDN"T YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!"

Alright friends, I know it has been quite sometime, and believe me when I tell you that I have wanted to write but the time has just been flashing before my eyes. I am currently at Parsons Green tube station waiting just another 3 minutes now for an Edgware bound train to hit the platform. So let me take this tube ride to share with you one or two of my stories from the last couple weeks….ehm…

A couple Saturdays ago I was hanging out with my friend Chad in Oxford Circus. We went for a brief walk of, I don’t know, about an hour and a half to find ourselves situated at the Café Nero having a panini in the basement. There we sat on a comfy brownish leather sofa that had clearly been worn by at least 1,000 bottoms in its short lifetime.

Café Nero is the equivalent to the UK Starbucks, meaning there is one location within at least every major square block in the city. What a perfect destination to walk to for over an hour. We could have settled for the uniqueness of a pub or perhaps even the local Dough Ball sandwich shop, but no, Nero it is...but it was meant to be. So after our long walk I excused myself to the loo, which was conveniently in the basement as well. “Get key from counter” read the sign…and up the stairs I went only to return with the most obnoxious red metal wire basket that had a small key attached. Apparently loo keys are hot commodities and the theft rate is high. Chad and I sat and talked while eating our paninis but couldn’t help noting the people around us and the “loo key escapades” that were going on out of our peripheral. We watched at least 5 people make the trek down the stairs only to read they needed a key, all of whom made some sort of sigh of disgust and trudged back up the stairs. I would say only half returned. One man we noted went in and after about 35 minutes we swore he had fallen in. Chad was holding back from making grotesque comments at the apparent misfortune that had bestowed upon this man to make him occupied for such lengthy time. But sure enough someone else came down with the beloved red basket and apparently the previous man escaped past us undetected. (or fell in- the verdict is still out on that one). The best thing about these situations is looking at all the adults around you who you know are watching the same thing but not wanting to comment because as we all know bathroom talk is for children and we are to “sensible” for such a thing…and yet everyone is thinking about it. About ten minutes later we all note a girl who goes in that doesn’t have the key.

At this point Chad and I are comfortable making some intuitive smirks at each other and we both sit back and watch what is about to unfold in front of us. Sure enough a young guy, probably 30 walks down the stairs with the beloved red basket key and goes to unlock the door. Two chatty ladies sitting at a small table next to the loo tell the man they think someone is in there. He doesn’t hear them and continues to try to unlock the door. “there’s somebody in here” comes a weak mousey voice from inside. The man not paying any attention, focusing on the task at hand, goes to unlock the door again. The suspense builds in those few seconds as the man clearly doesn’t know what is about to befall upon him. The girl inside panics and in a loud, dramatic voice on the verge of tears she shrieks, “DID YOU NOT HEAR ME! THERE”S SOMEBODY IN HERE!!!! WHAT”S WRONG WITH YOU!!!!”. All conversation in the basement went still. All eyes quickly fell to the ground or to the blueish painted walls around us. The man skulks away from the door and sits at a table a few feet away to wait. You couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor girl, I mean who hasn’t been on the verge of tears? Then again it was such a dramatic display that I’m sure everyone did what we did…left the awkwardness of that basement, finally felt comfortable to bring it up with your friend and laughed about the whole thing immensely for a solid 5 minutes. She never did come out of that bathroom- at least for the next 20 minutes we were there…she could still be in there.

After the day I had forgotten all about the incident until yesterday. I was hanging out with Chad again and upon leaving a restaurant we both decide to visit the loo. With the male and female toilets next to each other I just hear through the wall, “WHAT”S WRONG WITH YOU!!! THERE”S SOMEBODY IN HERE!!! DIDN”T YOU HEAR ME?!?!” in this shrill girl impersonation voice. I immediately burst out laughing and have continued to do so anytime a segment of that phrase is muttered.
Are we wrong for laughing at the poor girl’s misfortune? Yes, and I do feel bad- could be why it wasn’t officially brought up until a week later. Perhaps you just had to be there. But life is funny, and sometimes it’s these small moments that just make us laugh.

That was the fastest tube ride I think I have ever had. Maybe it’s time to bring back The Daily Transport….hhhmmm. Off to sleep soon. Ill share more of the random moments of my life soon.